We went to Ms. Hayden's 1st Birthday party last Saturday. Carter had so much fun. Infact, we all did while we were there. Travis and I were talking on the way home about how enjoyable the party was and how we were surrounded by really good company. My friend did such a great job on the decorations and food. Everyone was laughing and having a great time.
On this past Monday night my friend called and told me that after we left, EVERYONE was talking about how "behind" Carter seems to be for his age and that I must not be working with him as I should be. They went on to say other assumptions about me but none is worth repeating.
I wish I had never been told the things that were said.
Not that it needs justifying but even I, a new mother, knows that all babies hit their milestones at different times. Carter crawls all over the place and before he crawled he was happy and content just playing in one spot, occasionally rolling to whereever he wanted to go. He doesn't have the best balance yet so he only stands for 5 to 10 seconds before using me for support. Just because he isn't walking yet doesn't mean anything negative though. Whether he takes off walking tomorrow or 4 months from now is up to him. We work with him every single day. Now if you want to call my child lazy that's one thing because he has some lazy moments but he isn't slow or behind and if he was, that's really no one's business nor judgement call. This isn't a race either. This whole competition between children- AND adults for that matter, is "for the birds" by the way.
I don't feel as though I have failed at anything, especially my parenting. What I do think is a failure is the mindset of those who decided to talk about my family the moment they seen our tail lights. How disappointing.
I wish they would have brought their concerns up about his developement to me instead of making it a topic of conversation among the whole group.
I wish I could say that it didn't phase me one bit to hear what they all had to say however it did hurt my feelings and it made me look at them all differently. That's what really bothers me. The loss of respect I have for this group of people. The way that you can feel so positive about something and then you find out later that the whole time you were sitting there thinking how nice of a visit you are having with people and you think that these people are genuine, then you find out that the whole time you were sitting there just enjoying conversation, they were sitting there thinking negatively about you and your family. It's an awful feeling.
Are the majority of people like this? Just out there looking for some flaw, some weakness, just something to pick at to make themselves feel superior? Are we to a point that if we run out of conversation topics that we just automatically start talking about other people just to have something to talk about? I just don't understand why people choose to be so negative. Are the smiles even real?
I feel like I was fooled.
What is so sad is that if you asked me on Saturday what any of those people are like, I'd have nothing but good things to say about each of them but if you were to ask me about any of them now, I'd have nothing to say because obviously I don't feel that I really know any of them and obviously you can't go by first impressions- it could be deceiving.
Something very positive did come from this experience. I can PROMISE you, if you are ever in a room with me, I won't be looking for flaws, I won't look for weaknesses, or anything negative, and when you leave, I will not try to lessen your name, I won't try to stomp on your reputation or put your character on trial. Because we all deserve better than that.
~Do you think, "I just didn't have anything else to talk about" will be a good enough excuse in response to God when he asks why we talked negatively about his other children?......just a thought.