Friday, May 22, 2009

If You don't have anything nice to say......(then hush)

We went to Ms. Hayden's 1st Birthday party last Saturday. Carter had so much fun. Infact, we all did while we were there. Travis and I were talking on the way home about how enjoyable the party was and how we were surrounded by really good company. My friend did such a great job on the decorations and food. Everyone was laughing and having a great time.
On this past Monday night my friend called and told me that after we left, EVERYONE was talking about how "behind" Carter seems to be for his age and that I must not be working with him as I should be. They went on to say other assumptions about me but none is worth repeating.


I wish I had never been told the things that were said.
Not that it needs justifying but even I, a new mother, knows that all babies hit their milestones at different times. Carter crawls all over the place and before he crawled he was happy and content just playing in one spot, occasionally rolling to whereever he wanted to go. He doesn't have the best balance yet so he only stands for 5 to 10 seconds before using me for support. Just because he isn't walking yet doesn't mean anything negative though. Whether he takes off walking tomorrow or 4 months from now is up to him. We work with him every single day. Now if you want to call my child lazy that's one thing because he has some lazy moments but he isn't slow or behind and if he was, that's really no one's business nor judgement call. This isn't a race either. This whole competition between children- AND adults for that matter, is "for the birds" by the way.

I don't feel as though I have failed at anything, especially my parenting. What I do think is a failure is the mindset of those who decided to talk about my family the moment they seen our tail lights. How disappointing.
I wish they would have brought their concerns up about his developement to me instead of making it a topic of conversation among the whole group.
I wish I could say that it didn't phase me one bit to hear what they all had to say however it did hurt my feelings and it made me look at them all differently. That's what really bothers me. The loss of respect I have for this group of people. The way that you can feel so positive about something and then you find out later that the whole time you were sitting there thinking how nice of a visit you are having with people and you think that these people are genuine, then you find out that the whole time you were sitting there just enjoying conversation, they were sitting there thinking negatively about you and your family. It's an awful feeling.
Are the majority of people like this? Just out there looking for some flaw, some weakness, just something to pick at to make themselves feel superior? Are we to a point that if we run out of conversation topics that we just automatically start talking about other people just to have something to talk about? I just don't understand why people choose to be so negative. Are the smiles even real?
I feel like I was fooled.
What is so sad is that if you asked me on Saturday what any of those people are like, I'd have nothing but good things to say about each of them but if you were to ask me about any of them now, I'd have nothing to say because obviously I don't feel that I really know any of them and obviously you can't go by first impressions- it could be deceiving.

Something very positive did come from this experience. I can PROMISE you, if you are ever in a room with me, I won't be looking for flaws, I won't look for weaknesses, or anything negative, and when you leave, I will not try to lessen your name, I won't try to stomp on your reputation or put your character on trial. Because we all deserve better than that.

~Do you think, "I just didn't have anything else to talk about" will be a good enough excuse in response to God when he asks why we talked negatively about his other children?......just a thought.


KROW said...

Very well put. And You ARE a WONDERFUL MOTHER. You inspire me. Carter is very lucky to have you. :)

Candice said...

You don't know me Tara, but I work with Kellie and I stumbled upon your blog from a link, and noticed you had a child around my childs age. Anything about children intrigue me because I too am a first time mom. Please do not let any of the things people say about Carters development make you feel like any less of a mom. All kids develop at different stages, my daughter is 16months old and just recently has begun to walk. She did it when she was ready, not when everyone thought she should be ready. Doctors say its not developmental delay till 18mos and hey keep them babies as long as you can.

Paige Todd said...

I have learned as a mom not to listen to anyone's opinion on what milestone my child should be reaching at the moment. All children grow at different rates. I don't believe in comparing babies and it drives me crazy when parents compete. I know Laurel is quick in some areas and I know she will be behind others in other areas. It's just part of growing and learning. Everyone in different. Carter is a precious little boy and you and Travis are wonderful parents. Keep up the great work and try not to let anyone else's thoughts get to you. YOU ARE A GREAT MOMMY!!!

Blessings Of Life! said...

Neither my nephew or niece is walking yet is walking and there the same age as Carter if not a few months older. Tara I wouldn't worry about what those people said they obviously don't have a clue!
But I do know how ya feel. It does cut deep when people talk about your kids.

Blessings Of Life! said...

Sorry for repeating myself ^ on my last comment:)

Tiffany Gannon said...