I'm not sure about starting back in the blogging world. I want to but tending to Carter and Lauren or the guilt of knowing I could be doing office work while pumping (breastfeeding), or giving my nails and overdue paint job may supercede the blog world once again in the near future.
I was afraid I was on an actual verge of a nervous breakdown a few weeks ago. I kept joking before having Lauren that I wanted those in my company to enjoy our time together before I have a 2 kids- full time job-breastfeeding-cooking 3 meals a day-P90x daily workout-lifestyle and lose all my sanity, yet I was surprised when I realized my joking might not be far from the truth. I have went slightly back and forth in my mind about whether or not my job is going to survive my new world and while the jury is still out for the time being, I do know that full time hours are going to not only be impossible- but extremely not worth it. I'm enjoying my babies before they grow up. i want to savor every moment.
I like having the income, I like paying the bills I pay and having money for the kids savings account however, I am not a big shopper and the only money I need is enough to pay the bills I have taken responsibility over and for the kids needs and I can make that working part time hours so it's a "take it or leave it deal" that i hopefully wont have to discuss with my boss. I am hoping to condense the work into 3 days (3 1/2 days tops) and it not be an issue. If it isn't possible, then back to the drawing board. Hubby is being very supportive of whatever I choose but I love building up the kids savings and I am determined I will make my own car payment, cell phone bill, and cover the utilities so I'm trying to hang in there and get an awesome balance going. I'm praying God will have his hand in all my decision making. I've been so confused the past few weeks. Satan is trying to "throw me off", I have felt his presence and cannot stand it BUT I have felt God's presence too and that has made all the difference. I also found a simple solution to trying to make decisions when confused about what to do and that solution is: DON'T MAKE ANY. LOL. I had to look at myself in the mirror and say, "Don't decide anything, just wait. just roll with it until God clears the fog, makes the dust settle, and lets you know in his own way what you need to do and in the mean time do what you can when you can." So Wednesday before I left the office, I called the prior Surgery patients and checked on their recovery, gave them my cell number, and didnot turn the office phone over to my cell phone. Those who need it have it and everyone else can leave a msg and I will call them back Monday. (We will see how this goes). Not turning the phones over may put more stress on me, I'm not sure. I won't know until I go in tomorrow and see. I haven't not turned the phones over in years. I even had office calls coming through to my cell while in labor. (I know, no wonder I am so stressed, can we say "self-inflicted").
This weekend has been the best one yet not having that phone ringing every 2 hours. I don't live a "stop-drop-and run" life anymore so I have to stop trying to and stop beating myself up for not being able to. Just enjoy life and all the Blessings. I only get one experience of living in this world so I can't waste it and fill it up with stressful things.
Okay, more about my fun family weekend later, off to get this family ready for church. (YAY). My spirit has been so hungry for God's word. I cant even begin to explain how much I desire to get my spirit fed. Hope everyone has a great Sunday!!