Friday, January 8, 2010

Unless God tells me to, I'm not going to say Sorry

Ever so often I get a phone call from an acquaintance wanting to talk about our children and what they are up to these days. Her family stays on her about her childs milestones and since our children are close in age she calls for comparisons, this time wanting to know how many words he knows, if he runs, looks at books, can drink from a straw, ect..I wouldn't mind it a bit if she was calling to vent about her family being so silly giving her such a hard time telling her she's not doing enough for her child but instead she IS her family when she calls, she says things like, "Are you not worried about him taking longer than mine? Are you sure you are working with him enough on talking? I don't know how you did it working full time and not staying home with him. I hope it doesn't have long term effects. I find her amusing and SAD and today I decided to "Break it down" for her. Afterward, she let me go abruptly and I believe I won't be bothered for a progress report ever again :)

I told her the following:
You know, the most interesting thing I have learned since Carter came along is how milestones just happen overnight. With rolling over, crawling, walking, talking, etc. The day before each of these milestones occurred, you would have thought he was a long way from acheiving any of them. We would work with him and work with him but he just didn't seem to want to or couldn't figure it out then boom, out of no where, he got it.  Travis would get nervous  that we were doing something wrong at first especially when he would see a younger baby doing something that Carter couldn't do yet but it never bothered me because with things like that, I just have to give it to God. I can't control it and I know I can't but I know that God does and that he will. It's just surreal though because it just all of a sudden "clicks".
I'm not concerned with having him "keep up" with anyone else's child seeing as how he is his own precious person with his very own little soul, heart, mind, and body.  He need not be compared. No baby should be compared to any other baby. God made all of us different on our own timelines. I think it gets hard for adults who are constantly comparing themselves to others to get out of that warped way of thinking when it comes to their children and it's a shame. I can only hope and pray that those adult's children won't grow up feeling that they are in competition with the world just as their parents presume to be. Hopefully, that pitiful cycle can be broken.

~ Yep, I inadvertently called her family, as well as herself pitiful which wasn't nice of me. I said it all in a compassionate tone in an effort to not come across mean but it more than likely came across condescending. I didn't feel I had to defend my child or justify him in any way. The phone calls never make me self-concious, it just makes me very aware of how many people in this world have lost perspective of why we were Blessed Enough to be in this Existance and i decided to tell her about it. I wonder if  i'll find myself needing to call and apoplogize for it later. I'm sure God will let me know if I have to.

*I also want to tell my readers that I am sorry for doing yet another post about *Comparisons and *Competition. It seems that the BIGGEST ISSUE most people find themselves up against and the #1 REASON people DO NOT GET ALONG is this topic and it just bothers me that people waste the time that God blessed them with on such pettiness.


Saylorsmom said...

Way to go. Kids should never be compared. They are all different and parents love them no matter what. A working mom's child will be fine just like a stay at home mom's child.I never felt guilty about working. It is what I needed to do to be a good mother to my babies. I am not the stay at home type but that doesn't mean my kids won't grow up to be well adjusted wonderful human beings. You did the right thing and I am not sure I would have been able to. I am weinee like that. lol

Kellie said...


The Adcock Family said...

Of course, you know I praise you highly in this! Rock on sister! And Carter is the most perfect little guy I have ever seen! I got so much joy from seeing him on New Years Eve!!!

~Kim~ said...

What a wonderful post, Tara! :)

Kristin Green said...

This couldn't have been said better! There is so much "competition" with everything it seems like if we could all just let it to there would be more people getting along! Great post!

Kristin Green said...

Let it go* I'm on my phone so I tend to have typos lol