Friday, July 3, 2009

Barely Coming up for Air

This is me:

ahyayayayayayayaah......this will probably be a long "catch up" post so pace yourself. you also may want to be extremely bored before taking this on or if you can't sleep, it may cure that too :)

......It is 11pm and I have a pot of coffee brewing. I'm in for a long night.
It feels like I'm currently living in a whirl wind, bouncing from one busy job to the next while being mommy to the sweetest, into everything, rowdy, cuddly, little boy. Last Sunday, it was as if Carter woke up as a full blown toddler. If I didn't know any better, I would almost think I watched the transformation before my very eyes. He looked up at me with this little smirk on his face and there was this gleam in his eye and he was off. He went for every known "No No" in the house. From the xbox to the dvds to the toilet to the cabinet with his beloved "No No hammer". Every since that day, that's how everyday has been. We have hit the "Into everything Stage" wide open. Let me tell you, it sure is a fun milestone. I've found myself a few times wanting to laugh at how cute he is and want to cry at how worn out from chasing him I am all within the same 10 seconds. He is So funny. He will go right for a "NO NO Carter don't touch it" Object and he will touch it over and over and over and then turn around, point at mommy and/or daddy and say "Neo Neo..Don't....Dooon't". And then you can't help but smile/laugh which makes him 1. know that he is cute 2. thinks it is now okay to touch said "No No carter don't touch it" item.'s a mess.
I'm learning that the house can't always be "intact" so that new understanding is helping me become more laid back about what all that child can drag out. I also learned over the past few weeks that I don't feel good. At all. I feel low on energy, out of shape, weak, and tired all the time. That treadmill hasn't had a visit from me in 2 weeks, I completely forgot about going to the tanning bed after buying minutes and it is only 1 minute down the road. I'm just blah. I'm happy and content but at the same time I'm just feeling very unorganized and scattered. I don't like feeling unaccomplished or behind and i have felt this way for weeks. I guess 2 jobs and raising a 14 month old while trying to keep the house up, dinners cooked, and bathe on a regular basis can do that to a person. How have women done all this all these years and why do I suddenly feel like I can't keep up? I am going to have to get a system going. I thought I had one but apparently it expired or something.
The office is super busy. We have patients pouring in which is a blessing but I have definitely felt overwhelmed lately. I've had to make 2 trips in 1 week out of town to my boss's other offices and I'm back working at Dr. Wilson's every Wednesday which I really enjoy. I just feel like I have 2 weeks worth of work crammed into every week and it's like I'm thinking of everything I need to do at Dr. J's office and everything I need to remember/learn for Dr. Wilson's and I have my continuing education hours to finish up and the whole time i'm thinking of all of that or doing all of that, in my head all I can think of is I need to be at home teaching my child how to walk and pronunciate and get aqcuainted with using the potty as opposed to throwing stuff in it and beggin mommy to "fush it".
Carter hasn't had an easy week this past week either. Bless his heart. He is dealing with some major teething issues, belly issues, and another issue going on. Months back, I noticed that Carter had what seemed to be a bad reaction to a bug bite. His ankle was swollen and had a nasty looking sore. My first thought was that he had been stung but oddly didn't cry. I gave him benadryl, put anti-itch cream on it, checked his temp and called the dr. The next morning bright and early I took him to Dr. Eastham. He concluded that it looked like a spider bite so i had the office sprayed and my vehicle because those were the 2 places we had been the most that day. About 2 months later, another spot came up identical the one before. I put the cream the dr. prescribed and Travis got Orkin to come spray at the house. Orkin told us they couldn't find a single spider in our house which made us feel better but we have them set up to come every 2 months just in case. Then Tuesday morning, Carter has 2 new spots come up. The Dr. said it could be poison Ivy which would make sense because the last surgery patient Monday had poison Ivy down his arm and I helped him walk to his car but Carter doesn't react to these spots, No itching, scratching, rubbing. It's like they don't exist to him but the Dr. says everyone reacts differently, so yeah, we think, it's poison Ivy. I asked him to refer us to a dermatologist just because I want to know 100% what this is exactly. We finally got in to see him today. The dermatologist said it was in the healing stage (which was obvious) The sore seems to go through a 2-3 day course and dries up leaving a faint birthmark look behind. since it was in the healing stage, they couldn't do any testing but he said it looks and sounds just like impetigo which is a bacterial skin infection caused either contact with someone who has it in the active stage or by the bacteria Streptococcus (Strep throat). it is basically a staph infection that is treatable and is (Thank God not contagious once the sore begins to dry up). We have to wait until he has another sore pop up before they can test to know for sure but even though it is hard to get rid of, it is treatable with antibiotics. The whole situation is just so full of irony. I am over protective. I don't like Carter to be near germs, I'm constantly weary of kids around him thinking about all the stuff they can get from other kids at school. I about stroke out if his hand touches the buggy at the store, i wash his shopping cart cover religiously, I use the highchair cover too. I do not let anyone who even smells of cigarette smoke hold him and if i smell it, I take Carter in the opposite direction. If I know the niece, nephew, or cousins have been sick I will keep Carter home even on holidays and here we are dealing with what could be staph infection. I'm feeling like i have failed him. I know I can't protect him from the world but I really thought with all that I've been doing, that I would have succeeded in protecting him from something like this.
So here I am about to get back to scrubbing my house down and washing everything. Toys, walls, doors, books, clothes, sheets, EVERYTHING!!! It's my attempt for control over the situation plus the bacteria can live up to 60 days on inanimate objects! Supposedly, I'm supposed to rest easy knowing that it is a very common condition for children up to age 6 but no, no resting tonight.

On a good note, since all I have done throughout this post is vent negatively, I have to give GOD Glory and mention how much I LOVE how he works. Travis and I do not like to touch our's or Carter's saving accounts. This week a lot of surprise bills have popped up (Like my early renewal fee for my dental license $145 and Carter's 3 ounce cream medication for $65). I was telling Travis how my "running money" was becoming my "sitting money" (I know, I'm kinda bad at jokes) and while laughing about how the moment I got my paycheck every bill I pay showed up in the mailbox, I grab a pair of pants out of the top of my closet and when I pull it down, $260.00 I had hidden from myself back I don't even know when, fell down. It was like money fell from the

I ask that you all please pray for Carter and have a Happy Fourth of July! I will try my best to write a more positive post next time.


Tanya said...

Tara, I will be praying for that sweet baby!!! I also know what you mean about being busy... I was reading your post and I thought, "Oh my gosh, someone else out there feels just like me!!" I never thought I would miss cleaning my house as much as I do.. It just isn't possible with toddlers though! :-)

KROW said...

If I could give a you a vacation, I would! This is just spell, it will eventually ease up & slow down! Can't wait to see you Tue!

Kellie said...

I know exactly what you mean! I feel the same way!!! See you tomorrow!

The Adcock Family said...

Tara - bless you! I will be praying for you. If it makes you feel any better my brother in law had impetigo when he was little and he's fine. I know how hard it can be for something to be wrong but no one can tell you for sure. We have had a whole year of that! But it will come to an end and you will amaze yourself with your strength on the other side! :) Love you!