Thursday, January 14, 2010

Reflection

Oh my goodness Ladies,I just saw the most pitiful thing about an hour ago. It was unfortunately- my reflection when getting into my jammies after a shower. Yep I'm getting all personal, a little more info than you'd like huh? I just have to vent about it. It was pretty traumatic. There are just days when I feel more in shape than I actually am then  there are days like today when reality sets in and  I see the weight gain or don't recognize my reflection. It's hard to fathom that I sometimes look in the mirror and don't recognize myself but I seriously go thru shock sometimes. In my mind I am seriously about 20 pounds lighter. My brain is apparently oblivious to the fact that didn't go back to the gym after having Carter. No more 3 to 5 days a week hard core workouts at USA Gym. Pure laziness when it comes to exercise. Then when I do work out 3 times a week for all of 1 to 2 weeks, that silly brain expects to look like that 20lb lighter image. Bless it.
I got out of the shower at 10:32, saw that my legs looked almost swollen and had dimples (I cringe all over having admitted that), by 10:40, I had 2 pairs of sweat pants on, 1 tank top, 1 long sleeve shirt, and one sweat shirt on and was on the treadmill out in the bonus room off of our garage with no heat on and I did not care. I ran hardcore for 30 minutes, walked for 23 minutes. I didn't last as long as I wanted to because I got dizzy. I'm surprised at myself that I haven't done a better job with living a healthy lifestyle when it comes to my diet and exercise. I think I used the cesarean as a crutch. you know, put off exercising as I should for 2 years so my stomache muscles could repair themselves...lol.
 At least now I am motivated. This is the year of health in my house. Hopefully within the next 6 months, my reflection won't literally send me running like it did tonight :)

5 comments:

Joanna said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean... It is hard to go from being made fun of in high school for being too skinny to being 20-30lbs heavier than you want to be... And it's easy to "forget" that you look like you do now! I've been using my new exercise bike & really trying to eat better. It's hard, but it's working (6-7lbs so far...). The leg thing though-- UGH! I'm so there! Sometimes my body looks like a stranger in the mirror!

~Kim~ said...

Oh, Tara. How I (sadly) understand everything you just said!

I have had my own wake-up call. I am disgusted with myself. I have ONE pair of jeans that actually fit. All of my shirts are a little tight at the shoulders. But, I refuse to buy bigger clothes. I.Will.Not.Do.It.

I have, however, began working out with Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred dvd. Girl, she kicks my butt everyday for 20 minutes. But you know what? It has only been 4 days, but I am starting to be able to tell a difference in my legs already!

Just know you are not alone in this struggle. I am right there with you. I want to start jogging this spring. We should do that sometime!

Kristin Green said...

hey girl.. I know I am just 2 months post pardom lol BUT I have been struggling with my weight ever since aubrey and I got married! I am 5'2 so every pound shows!! I started cooking more and aubrey likes to eat so we eat all the time..he gets to go work out 3-4 times a week at usa gym while im stuck at home lol As much running as I do at home you would think Id be skinny lol what Im struggling with is loosing my belly fat from being preggo. Its still flabby lol AND the horrbile sight of stretch marks makes me so so sad! I have them on belly and on the tops of my legs :( I cringe all over admitting that too!) but its all part of having kids and its so worth it..I may not be 130 lbs and in size 5 and look like kim kardashian in a bikini but I have a great loving husband and a beautiful baby that makes up for it :) I still would like to be healthier though and feel better about myself...I see the gym in my near future :)

Kellie said...

While I think you are just as beautiful as you have ever been, I understand one's appearance is "relative" to each person. If there is anyone who can do it, you can!!

SherryB said...

Tara- I feel your pain. I don't recognize myself on most days and it makes me wanna cry. I am trying to do better, but then that once a month hurdle comes along and all I want is chocolate!! With all these ladies on here trying to lose weight, we should do our own "biggest loser" competition. Competition is always a good motivator :)