I remember that day the question went through my mind. It had tried to enter my mind before a couple of times but I would switch thoughts quickly, however not this time. No, this time, I let it in. It rolled out laying across my heart covering it, "Do you Love him more?" God had put that question there. I had it cross my mind when Travis and I were dating. "Do you Love..." I knew what the question was and I couldn't not Love Travis any less was what I settled on. Of course I Love God. God wants to be #1 so he is so now let's go watch tv or call a friend about dinner..
Years later, the question is back. Travis and I had been married a few years. We were praying about starting a family. Praying my health issues would resolve so that we could start a family. I am washing dishes and praying God keeps Travis safe at work (a daily prayer). The question presents itself and I face it.
I acknowledge it.
I don't answer though because I didn't want to have to say No. I just wasn't sure I was being completely honest if I said yes. This time I didn't feel like the last time he asked. I wanted to love him more than anyone Just as I Loved him more than anything but I felt like it was a different Love you can't categorize with other people. I stood in silence disappointed with myself. Ashamed before the Lord. It isn't a different category. I was going to have to Love him More than Anyone.
More than my husband.
It seems surprising to me now that I had struggled to Love God the Most.
What I didn't know and what God has revealed to me since I was in that place, is that it was never a situation where by loving God the most, it made my Love for people any less. It was actually the exact opposite. By Loving God Whole heartily, I have So much more Love for Everyone. So much more Love for my husband. I Love God more than anything and anyone. It is such a deep love rooted within my Soul brought forth by him and it is beautiful.
Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world.
A lot of things went into play while we were going through difficulties trying to get pregnant and I thank God for those difficulties. It was during that long suffering (at least what we considered long suffering at the time), we got within God's grasp whole heartily. It's when our Faith Stood up and wedged itself up against him. By the time we were allowed to conceive, I knew I would Love God 1st and foremost for my husband and my future child's sake.
Today, I am so thankful I Love him Most and the burden for others to ask themselves,
"Do I love him most?" swells up inside of me. Do you love him more than yourself? More than your husband? Your children?
Does it seem wrong to allow yourself to Love him the absolute most? If it seems wrong, I Pray that you will pray God will examine you and let you know if you are close enough & If everything is lined up in the order he sees fit because the Blessing that comes with Loving God more, the blessing of having a Spouse Loving God More. We all need that. We don't only need to Love God more than the world and the things of the World but we need to love him above all our thoughts and desires-and Loved ones. I cannot Thank God enough for having a Husband who loves God more Than he loves me. I find Blessed assurance in that. I find a strong sense of strength and joy in our marriage because of that.
You do not want to miss out on the Blessing Of really putting God first. And If you are in the midst of running from God & his will for your life, You will eventually wish so badly you had let him catch you. He is So ready to use you. So ready to Be loved by you so that you can feel the overwhelming Love he has toward you.
Do You Love him?
Do you Love him More?
Do you Love him Most?